30. LOS ANGELES LAKERS - Highest payroll in the league. Kobe's got five rings now, Phil Jackson's got eleven. Enough! Someone please knock them off their horse! If Kobe and Phil left and it became Pau's team, maybe I could like them again, which I haven't been able to do since Magic retired.
29. MIAMI HEAT - If the Finals come down to Lakers-Heat, you bet I'm rooting for the Heat. Otherwise I'm looking forward to the soap-opera year this team is sure to have. And Miami won a championship not too long ago.
28. MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES - A team run this badly does not deserve to win.
27. DALLAS MAVERICKS - Come on, is there an owner more fun to hate than Mark Cuban? I don't really hate Mark Cuban, in the way I didn't really hate Nature Boy Ric Flair when he was backstabbing good guys left and right in his pro-wrestling prime. Both are showmen. I guess it's called sports-hate. What can I say? The Dirk-era Mavs are like the C-Webb Kings. I'm glad they're good, but I enjoy rooting against them. Again, if it's the Lakers and Mavs in the Western Conference Finals, I'm going back to my Amarillo roots and becoming a big Mavs fan. (From now on, when I say hate, I mean sports-hate.)
26. DETROIT PISTONS - They already have three rings in the past twenty years. And see #28.
25. SAN ANTONIO SPURS - Four rings in the past decade is plenty. They're getting old, and they're not even fun to hate. They're just annoying. Annoyingly effective, but annoying nevertheless.
24. DENVER NUGGETS - I lived in Seattle in the late 1980's/early 1990's, so I am a Coach Karl fan, but I revelled in the Nugs falling apart under Adrian Dantley's watch. Melo's like Dirk. I can respect his game, but he's fun/easy to hate. And K-Mart, and J.R. Smith...
23. CHARLOTTE BOBCATS - They're owned by Michael Jordan and coached by Larry Brown, so...
22. PHILADELPHIA 76ERS - They won in the 1980's once, so no.
21. PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS - For firing Kevin Pritchard on draft night, and for trying to steal Jazz players every year with toxic contract offers (and succeeding this year with Wesley Matthews), I say there are 20 other teams I'd rather have win.
20. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS - No Jazz fan wants Chris Paul to win a ring before Deron Williams, nor a New Orleans franchise to win a ring before a Utah one.
19. INDIANA PACERS - I could care less about this team, but if THIS squad won a ring, I would then be looking for the last few signs of the Apocalypse.
18. HOUSTON ROCKETS - They won twice in the 1990's, so no. Though I do hope Yao Ming doesn't have to retire.
17. GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS - Coach Don Nelson has become a parody of himself, so no.
16. WASHINGTON WIZARDS - Good thing they changed their name from the Bullets, right, Gilbert? Gilbert? Sheesh, what's eating him?
15. L.A. CLIPPERS - If they won, it would justify everything Donald Sterling has ever done, and we can't have that.
14. CHICAGO BULLS - They had MJ. They're not allowed to get more rings just yet.
13. MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES - In a way, I'd like them to benefit from the otherwise brutal Pau Gasol giveaway. On the other hand, this is the team that handed two more rings to Kobe on a platter.
12. NEW JERSEY NETS - I must admit, I'd enjoy the Russian Billionaire geting more pub, but see the Pacers.
11. NEW YORK KNICKS - See the Pacers.
10. SACRAMENTO KINGS - See the Pacers.
9. TORONTO RAPTORS - Noh Canada. On one hand, it'd be cool to see a team thrive after its superstar leaves, but no.
8. ATLANTA HAWKS - We're actually getting into teams I kinda like now. Hawks seem constantly on the verge of breaking through, and it'd be nice if they can figure it out. But man, they're going to regret that Joe Johnson contract in three years!
7. BOSTON CELTICS - I can like Rajon Rondo, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and company. They play hard. They were two minutes away from winning last year, and I would've loved it. (Actually it would have felt more like relief.) And in a way I'd like Shaq to tie Kobe for championship rings.
6. CLEVELAND CAVALIERS - I don't really like the Cavs, but it'd be awesomely funny for the city if the team could pull it off.
5. MILWAUKEE BUCKS - Small market team doing what they can with the limited resources they have. They look like they're making smart moves. Plus Andrew Bogut came out of Utah, so I'd like to see him excel.
4. ORLANDO MAGIC - If a team in the East wins, I'd like it to be these guys. Let coach Stan Van Gundy get some long-due revenge against Pat Riley for his Fredo-style execution from the Miami family.
3. OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER - Part of me still sees them as the Sonics, and while it sucks Seattle doesn't have an NBA team anymore, Kevin Durant is the humble superstar this league really benefits from.
2. PHOENIX SUNS - It'd be cool if old man Steve Nash could pull it off after all he's been through. The Donaghy playoffs, losing D'Antoni, Steve Kerr devastating the team, Amare bailing...
... but it's distant #2 compared to...
1. UTAH JAZZ - Jerry Sloan. The Miller family, carrying on the tradition of the late great Larry H. Deron Williams emerging as the best point guard in the league. Al Jefferson finally being on a winning team. The winningest franchise of the past 25 years without winning a ring winning a ring. Jerry Sloan. Make it happen!
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